Legal Adult!

Yes! You read right! I am now an actual adult! Scary, eh? And what have I done to celebrate becoming an responsible adult? Why, scratch scratch tickets, of course! I didn't win anything, though. But it was still fun! =D Hehe, I can wait to go play bingo or something, or I actually get someone to go with! XD

Ooooh, and I'm finally out of school for the year! Yesterday was my final exam... In history. It was painful, but in an easy way. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Probably not. But, then again, do I ever actually make sense? Didn't think so. Anyway, what was the moral of this story again? Oh yeah, summer's painfully boring. I'd almost rather be doing another exam right now. Sad, I know. XD

I don't think I have anything actually exciting planned until I go to Windsor on like July 9. Or if yarotousan gets his ass in gear, the 6. Either way, I'm uber excited! I get to go bug Cappy-chan and Gurdie-kun again! I haven't seen them since March Break, and Gurdie was gone for the majority of it. Then, there's Missy! I haven't seen her since Christmas! That's like... 7 months since I've got to bug her retardedness! I feel like such a... dun dun dun NORMIE without her! XD

Then again, I have Keena and Sarah and Mr. Shindou to keep that from happening! Even though I haven't seen them in like ages. Well, I did just see Shindou on Sunday for her birthday bash thingy, but it still feels like forever. XD

Ooh, and I learned that Queen actually isn't half bad! Me and Shindou went to see Queen's We Will Rock You musical, and it actually kicked ass. More ass than I thought it would. It was so random and funny, and very very musical. I loved all of the random music references made by the bohemians. Especially their names... Hehe, Brittney Spears! XD And the almighty vi-deo ta-pe (pronounced vie-day-o tap-ee).

Speaking of music, I've seen a ton of bands in the past while! It's been so amazing! Altogether so far, I've seen; Mobile, Idle Sons, Theory of a Deadman, Three Days Grace, Finger 11, The Bled, My Chemical Romance, Uncut, Billy Talent, Alexisonfire, Maroon 5, The Used, and Avil Lavigne. Quite the list, if I do say so myself! My favourite though has to be MCR, even though it was the only one I actually was stuck in a seat for. But it was so awesome, still! Just seeing MCR live, and the awesome tech stuff, it just made it amazing! Plus, we got to sing happy birthday to Ethan! XD

Still speaking of music, where the hell did Much go?! Like, honestly! It's been out since last night! I don't know if it's just our cheap ass Rogers provider, or whether it's a station problem or something. Either way, I missed Much's coverage of the Toronto Pride Parade, which was Sunday! I was sooo looking forward to it, since I couldn't actually go! Though I did get to see some random gay people, and LOTS of pride flags while we were driving to the Queen thing! Besides, there's always Windsor Pride to go and bask at at the end of July!

Speaking of pride, I actually had a girlfriend. I know, right? Seriously. Even that still surprises me. I'm too... withdrawn to have a girlfriend. It did manage to last for like 7 weeks, though, before I got ditched for an online guy. I know. Feel the love there, eh? Oh well. Good riddance. Better off without her. Even though, I do sort of miss her, I have to admit. Or maybe I just miss the thought of having a girlfriend. I don't know. And I'm to hot and icky to care right now, anyway. XD

For that matter, I'm too hot and icky to even care about writing this, so I'm gonna go. Ja ne!

Quote of the Moment: "Who are you, and why are you standing in my room talking to yourself?" -Laharl, Disgaea. The only quote that's even in my head, for some odd reason. XD

L'Amour... Not.

Oi vei... Feelings, eh? Heh, that rhymed in a really weird Canadian way. XD Meh, that's just how I've been feeling, though. Like my feelings that I've tried so long to supress have finally forced themselves to the surface and I can't deny them any longer.

Such dramatic build up, isn't it? These must be so seriously serious feelings I'm talking about, eh? Well, not really, to be honest. I mean, to me they're quite major and important, but in the grand scheme of things, they're really nothing of real importance. Just a stupid, annoying, soul-consuming crush. One of the worst kind, too. On one of my friends. One of my good girl friends.

Well, honestly, how can I say "good friends" when they don't even know that I like girls. I guess there are just some things that are to be left unsaid, and better off not known when it comes to even the strongest of friendships. Sometimes even the strongest friendship can crumble under the smallest amount of certain types of pressure.

You know, I been longing for so long to just tell her how I feel; That I like her. If she doesn't like me back, I'll be more than okay with it. If she's straight, I'll be more than okay with that, too. But, if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore after that, that's something I cannot be okay with. That's why I haven't said anything; Fear. Such a cowardly emotion, stopping many a person from following their heart and chasing their desires, but maybe it does have it's purpose. From stopping people from making mistakes that they could regret for a long time. Such as, me telling her, and her never wanting to see me again. But, on the other hand, not doing what you fear can end up just as bad. That's when you're left wondering all of those "What if..." questions that you can never find the answers to.

That last paragraph has basically been the track of my mind for the past... Far too long. I've been weighing out the pros and cons of; First, telling her that I like girls, and second, that I like her. I've probably thought of every possible way under the sun to tell her these things, and have even gone as far as writing a letter just letting everything out, even though I know I'm the only person who will ever read it.

I think the thing bothering me most about this, though, is the fact that I have no clue what her orientation is! Well, based on some of her actions and behaviours, and well, natural assumption, I say straight. The again, a lot of those "straight" things I see in her, are the same in me, and look how straight I am. XD Then again, there are some certain aspects to her that make me wonder... Honestly, I'm about ready to just come out and ask her! Then again, I can't really figure out a way to ask that without seeming too suspicious. ^_^;;

Well, I think I've vented my pathetic lack of a love life for long enough now, so I'm gonna go. Who knows, maybe by the next time I write in here I'll have confessed my feelings... I mean, anything can happen, right? ^_^;; Hehe, ja!

Quote of the Moment: "Your new name is 'Mis-Boss'." - Laharl, Disgaea. (My new gaming obsession. ^^)

Time Flies!

Wow... I can't believe it's already another year... I can't believe that 2007 is already upon us! I just can't believe how quickly time passes us by! Quite a bit had happened from the time I last wrote, to me typing this up now, too!

Hmm... The closest thing after I wrote was Halloween, right? Well, that turned out to be pretty fun, surprisingly! There were a few spirit activities going on during the week of it, and I actually participated in one! Well, along with Sarah and 'Bekah, too! And what exactly did we participate in, you're probably wondering... Donut dangling! XD

Now, what is donut dangling, exactly? It's when donuts are hung on strings, and groups of three (Me, Sarah, and 'Bekah, in our case) had to try to eat them without using their hands. It was surprisingly hard! Mine kept spinning on me, so I had to stop it with my forehead. XD Well, I came in second, behind 'Bekah, and walked away with a very sticky face! Ah, good times... XD

Next came the big day itself; Halloween! I brought Lori's video camera to school, just to, you know, be random, and that we did! It was fun, getting everyone's costumes on tape, and seeing people jump around like idiots, too! Hehe, yes, I was one of those idiots, too! Big surprise there, eh? =P

It was really fun! Julie-Ann dressed up as Rubedo from Xenosaga, Sarah as Rei from Beyblade, 'Bekah as a vampiress, and me... I was Pan from DragonBall GT. XD

Later that night, I went over to 'Bekah's house, and we, along with the Super Geisha, Emily, had some random fun trick or treating! It was so great, to be able to do something again that I hadn't for years... To let myself just act like a kid again for a while. The funny/sad/amusing thing, depending on how you look at it, is that we weren't even close to being the oldest ones trick or treating! XD

After Halloween, time pretty much just ticked by as it usually does; School, sleep, boredom. The infinite cycle of the student. Okay, maybe I am stretching it just a little, but it was still pretty boring. I swear, World Religions, along with the weirdness of Mr. Scanga, was the only thing making some of my days amusing! XD I so miss that class...

Anyway, when Christmas once again rolled around, I went back to Windsor, like I did last year. Nervous as all hell, too, considering how last year's holidays passed by in Windsor. It was actually alot of fun this time around. No pointless arguing. No almost getting into any fist fights. No random lack-of-sleep-induced ego trips. Nothing. It was almost like we were a normal family. Almost. XD

It was so great getting to see the boys again, too! I miss them so much when I'm stuck way out here. It's kind of weird, back in the day, when I first was forced to meet them, I was so sure that I'd never get close to them. Sure, maybe friends or something, but I never imagined that it would turn out like this. I never thought that I'd grow to care about them so much. I never thought that I'd actually come to think of them as my brothers. Which is what I tell everybody they are. 'Cause, honestly, there are many more things besides blood that make a family.

Well, enough catching up for now! I'll eventually try to fill this in on the elusive months between entries! XD Well, ja!

Quote of the Moment: "Yo, Rubedo!" - Albedo, Xenosaga. (Yup, the best thing my mind can come up with this time. XD)

Catching Up

Wow... Once again months go by that this blog doesn't see an update, eh? The automatic assumption would be tow things; That either my life has been so hectic and busy that I haven't had the time to write in here, or my life is so pointless and boring that there is absolutely nothing to write about. Take a guess at which answer is right. XD

Actually, I guess it was somewhere in between; That I went through really busy, and time consuming periods, and then really slow and seemingly endless periods of time. And now, since class let out early due to parent/teacher interviews, I figured now was as good of time as any to catch everything up.

Hmmm... The last time I wrote was right after Anime North, right? ...What's happened since then? I don't even remember right now. XD Well, after May came June... Then we got out of school (Which I actually passed all of my classes!), I turned 17, and oh yeah! I went back to Windsor for July and part of August!

Windsor was actually quite peaceful this time around. No major fights between me and anyone. Then again, that may have partially been because of the fact that my dad and Lynn weren't talking to eachother. Another very pointless arguement gone out of control. However, after I was there a couple of weeks, I did manage to nag my dad into calling Lynn. That way, if they worked things out, I would be able to see the boys. ^^

Thankfully, the two of them did work out their problems, and got back together again. I was able to see the boys, and catch up on everything that I had missed in my absence since March Break. Not a whole lot had changed; the boys were still weird, random, otakus. The only difference was the Matt had a girlfriend. His first one. Awwww, eh? XD They're still together now, rather surprisingly.

Things were pretty fun throughout the month. I got the chance to hang out with Sarah quite a bit, which was just awesome. I got to meet her little hubby finally, too. He seems pretty decent. It's really fun to mock him about Sarah having him whipped. Even though he doesn't like that too much... Or, as we found out, mine and Sarah's singing. XD

When I wasn't hanging out with the boys or Sarah, I was either lazing around my dad's and enjoying the American channels that we don't get out here, or randomly busing places. Namely the malls. It was just so nice and comforting to be in places that I recognized, and knew so well. I'd really missed that. The malls were always like safe havens I could go when I wanted to get out of the house, whether I had any money to spend there or not.

Then, at the end of July, July 30, began Windsor Pride Week 2006. Something I had been dying to go to. I even looked at the site before I left for Windsor in June, and printed off the schedule of events. XD And I'm glad I did. It turned out to be alot of fun! Especially because my dad totally hated the fact that I was going. And I still don't know why really, either.

Well, actually, I sort of do. It's all because that he thinks that if I went, that means automatically that I'm a lesbian. And honestly, so what if I am? What does my possible sexual orientation have to do with anyting important? I'm so sick of people asking about it, and putting so much importance on it. And because they seem to think it's like the end of the world or something if they find out that I'm a lesbian, I don't even give anyone an answer anymore. I just leave them with a "not saying" and let them worry all they want.

Anyway, back to the randomness and events of Windsorn Pride 2006. The first thing I actually went to was the 'Saturday Night Summer Sizzle'. Something I left my rather akward Bury birthday party to attend. It turned out to be quite a bit of fun! There was a ton of live entertainment; Beautiful drag queens and drag kings performing. They were all so proud of themsleves too. Not ashamed one bit for who they were. It was really admirable, and in turn, gave the whole Charles Clarke Square an aire of pride. The one performer I'll never forget; Sofonda Cox. XD I ended up hanging out there until around 11, before I headed back, not wanting to miss the last bus back to my dad's.

When I got back, I called Matt, to see if he still wanted to go to the parade the next morning. He wanted to, but he wasn't allowed. So the two of us devised a plan, saying that we were just going to go to Devonshire for a while, and everything seemed to be in order. That is, until Matt called back, saying that the parents remembered that the parade was the next day, and said Matt couldn't go anymore. Just in case we were planning on going to that oh-so-forbidden parade. And why, you may ask. Because if anyone saw Matt, they might think he was gay. Pathetic, eh? If Matt himself didn't care what people thought enough to go, than why should they care?

Anyway, not wanting to let the parents' closed-mindedness ruin what was supposed to be a fun and proud weekend, I went to the parade alone. It was nice. They closed a lane on Ouelette. (Only one lane... Traffic was still going byu in the other one. >_<) It was fairly big, considering it was a pride parade. I don't think I've ever seen so many pride flags in one place before. XD

I went back to the Square after the parade, where the festival was going on, to celebrate the last day of pride week until next year. Once again, there was alot more entertainment. Some of the same awesome drag queens performing, and also some new ones. Including, the ever-awesome, and ever-hilarious, B-Girlz! They were so energetic, and even included random watchers into the randomness. I ended up buying their DVD, and they autographed it for me. ^^

There was also a very, very talented lesbian singer from I think Hamilton. I don't remember her name though. I wish I would have had more money, 'cause I would have bought her CD. Most of her songs were really serious and touching, but she did have a totally random one, as well. It was about a random cat getting wet, and hot, and everything. "Hot pussy." or "Wet pussy." It was hilarious!

Aside from them, there was a very talented men's choir, and a very skilled bike stunt guy. He did some really amazing things, like standing on his handle bars while the bike was still moving. His father was gay, so it fit very well into the whole theme of the week!

Hehe, it was kinda funny. Once the day got started, nothing was going to stop it. In the middle of the afternoon, and the events, the gray clouds that had been looming overhead for the better portion of the day finally gave way, and it began to rain. Even a little thunder rumbled. So, how was that taken care of? Random guys decided to take their shirts off, and dance on stage until the rain had calmed down enough to bring out the next performer.

Throughout the course of the weekend, I took a camera and a half worth of pictures of everything that happened. Including seeing the pride flag hung proudly up infront of City Hall, next to the Canadian one. Also the random banner that hung downtown saying "Together We're Proud." The pictures did turn out pretty well, if I did say so myself.

Of course, and what's any kind of festival without some kind of souvenir? Well, since I still didn't manage to make myself broke, and spend all the money I got at the Bury party, I had to buy some random stuff. I bought a mini pride flag, a button-pin that says "Got Pride?", and a really nice necklace. It's a long chain, with a hollow heart on it, and a rainbow if rings going across it. I also picked up a pride flag for the boys, since Dustin told me he wanted something from it. It's displayed quite proudly in his room right now. Thus showing that one doesn't have to be gay to be proud, and have support for the GBLTQ community.

I headed back to Oshawa a couple days after Pride Week finished, to enjoying the random boredem that came with the rest of the summer, before school came upon us again to confine us like prisoners that we were for those four years. A little, dramatic? Possibly, but that's how it felt. ^_^;;

Anyway, I have to go for now!

Quote of the Moment: "Pride is not being afraid of who you are." --???

Anime North Was AWESOME!

Wow... I don't think I have had that much fun in... Ever! Yesterday at Anime North was just too great!

I got to go from early morning, Laura picked us up at 8:30am, until 11pm when she came to get me.

First thing I did after waiting an hour in line for registration was head to the dealer's room. Just as big and packed as last year. I ended up buying the Gravitation OVA (Finally!!) and adorable keychains of Edward and Mustang! Then I wandered aimlessly around artist alley until I decided to finally head over to the DoubleTree.

Wow... Good thing I got the basic layout of it memorized last year with Eric, or else I would have been totally lost. That is one confusing hotel. Until the moment I left, I couldn't find the section with the Windsor and Hamilton rooms. XD

Anyway, the first panel I went to was the second half of the crossplay panel. I for there just in time for the Drag King part. I has missed the hot gay guy show how to become a Drag Queen, but the woman was still awesome. She went through the basic make-up tips, like how make your skin look more blemished and how to thicken your eyebrows. Then what kind of clothes to wear to hide your figure, and how different accessories like vests can draw attention away from your boobs. And of course, we learned how to give yourself a realistic bulge... All you need is a condom and hair gel. XD

After that I wandered around the hotel, getting a look at all the awesome cosplayers, and seeind what was going on in each panel. Then I headed back to the Yaoi North just in time for the FMA Yaoi panel.

Once that started, some random group of people walked in, and I thought I recognized Erin. So, I asked the girl if she was, and she asked if I was Cell. Then we just stood up and randomly hugged. She introduced me to her group of friends; Cody a gay guy, Telly, and Selina. Well, and her parents. Hehe, she introduced me as Cell. XD

The panel was pretty fun... The panelists used Edward and Russel dolls to demonstrate the different positions and everything related with that pairing. Along with Roy, Edward, and Alphonse plushies. They also talked about the weirdest pairing any of us had heard of, and Mustang/Gluttony was by far the weirdest. o_O

After that, we just ended up walking around, getting pictures of random cosplayers, and hanging around in the Congress Centre. I didn't end up bringing a camera, but Erin said she'll send me some of them when she gets them on her computer.

Our little group once again made our way back to Yaoi North for the Favourite Pairings panel. Some random girl next to us was showing us all the clip she got of the Naruto and Sasuke cosplayers (Both guys) make out. They just ran at eachother and started going at it.

Once the panel for started, me and Erin were too busy staring at the hot pair of guys in the back corner to pay attention. Wondering if they'd make out for us. So, with Cody, Telly, Selina and the random girl behind us, Erin asked if they would. They did. We all started laughing and cheering, and almost got ourselves kicked out of the Yaoi North room. It was so worth it though... Erin and Selina got recorded on their cameras. They're gonna post it on youtube. ^^

I think from there we went out to eat. Erin made me go with the group to Swiss Chalet, which was, like everything else, very amusing. Me and Erin was talking about the hot guy at the table across from us, and I took and random photo of him for her, since I had the better view. Then some random waiter/magician guy came to our table. He did alot of pretty awesome tricks, if I do say so myself. Like his wallet catching on fire randomly, and making random things fall out of a rolled up $20 bill, and chewing on a toonie... O_o

I ran back to the dealer's room to spend the rest of my money before it closed, while everyone else waited outside in the grass for me, harassing random people. Apparently Erin's mom had to stop her from making out with some other girl. XD I ended up buying some FMA and Yugioh stickers (Some of them yaoi), a little Baku(ra) bookmark with his Monster World profile on it, a picture of Edward and Al hugging in the movie, and the 7th Gravitation graphic novel.

Ugh, since when do they ID you for Gravitation?! I almost couldn't buy it because I didn't have any proof I was 16. So, I asked some random family if they would buy it for me, and they did. ^^ Thank Kami. I can't wait to read it!

Anime Hell was up next after that. It turned out to be pretty... Disturbing. They showed random G.I. Joe commerical like things, with the G.I. people showing up everywhere.

Then there was the little 'Don't Talk to Strangers' thing, showing random situations. One of them this little boy started talking to this stranger grown man. They started hanging out more and more, until the adult took the kid for a private fishing trip... Hmm, I wonder what happened there? It ended with the kid reporting the guy to the cops, and the boy somehow getting probation for it. o_O Why he would end up getting punished for getting raped?! Damn Americans... (It was an American video.)

A Heino clip was next. Some random German singer who went from standing there like to total statue to dancing like a total nutcase. That was followed by an animated clip of a dog rapping.

And finally my favourite thing from Anime Hell... The German forklift safety video! It was showing one guy who just passed the forklift test, and him ending up basically breaking every forklift rule... Usually ending up without someone getting hurt. Like he lifted someone up in a forklift, and they fell. He left a kinfe on the top of the stuff he was lifting, and it fell, stabbing into some guys head. He didn't tighten the sheet of metal he was carrying, and when he had to stop, the metal flew off and sliced some random guy in half. Just random stuff like that.

We got bored after that, and went back to the Yaoi room once again for Living La Vida Yaoi. It was about what real life semes and ukes are, and how to be them in your real life.

It also revealed the best yaoi bait... Tim Horton's donuts! After Cody heard that, they showed a box of donuts, and he was determined to do a random act of yaoi for a donut. Sadly, Erin's mom stopped him, saying that he couldn't kiss another guy unless he had a condom over his tongue or plastic wrap over his mouth. XD

Oooh, the gay guy who was running the panel, his I'm assuming boyfriend came in, and just randomly started making out. Then, the boyfriend threw him down onto the table and started making out with him again. Cody got a few pictures of that. ^_~

They had to leave after that panel though, at 10:00. I just stayed in Yaoi North and watched the next panel. More like contest, actually. It was called Impossible Postions. People would try to pick out the worst yaoi position from a yaoi manga, and make random pairs of people act them out. It was awesome. XD Two guys were the winners!

It was 11 after that, so I went and met Laura and came home. I was totally exhausted, but is was sooo amazing! I have to go again next year! Erin and the crew are going again too, so it should be just as fun! Well, I think I'm gonna go read my Gravitation graphic novel! Ciao!

Quote of the Moment: "Therefore, never lift people on a forklift." -- A quote from the Anime Hell German safety video. XD

Dammit! Dammit!! Dammit!!!

Dammit! Why did I have to write that, huh?! Why did I have to vent my feelings online?! Why did I have to say how I truly felt?! Why did I have to say who I truly am?! And why the hell am I still writing how I feel online now?!

Dammit... That's really all I can say right now. Why? Because I posted some of my writings, my feelings about certain subjects on my site, certain that nobody I knew would read them. Afterall, how do you just randomly happen upon someone's site without being given the url?

Well, apparently if you type in someone's full name in Google you can find it. Why the hell someone would even search my name on Google is beyond me... Honestly, Kristine's a full time mother, so why the hell would want to spend her few minutes of free time searching my name?! What was she hoping to achieve?! Humiliating me? Well, she certainly achieved that...

I suppose I should start my little rant from the beginning, eh? Well, I was randomly chatting with Eric when he, just as randomly says, "I saw your site." I froze, thinking of all of my different sites... And just praying he's talking about my Vegeta site. The one time I want the bastard to see what I dork I am!

But no... That would all be too simple. He saw my tripod site. The first one I made for the hell of it, with alot of my feelings, thoughts, and information that I really didn't want anybody I knew to read. Well, except Sarah, she already knows everything.

First off, I vented my feelings about the murders. Explaining the story, and just my thoughts on it. How much it really did affect me, despite how little I let it show. I've never talked to any of them about how I feel about it... It just seems too akward for some reason. I'd rather just vent to myself.

Next would be the fact that I'm bi, and actually wrote it on the little survey thingy I posted on it. Now I have Eric's little probing me about it, and Kristine's little "confirmed suspicions."

Now, just the two of them knowing doesn't really bother me. Okay, the murders thing does, but not the bi thing. It's who I am, and I'm sick of hiding it from everyone. But the thing I am worried about, and I'm worried about it alot more with Kristine than I am Eric, and that is telling Lori.

Her knowing will only lead her telling Chris, which I don't really give a damn about, but I know she would also tell me mom. And I really don't want her to know my feelings. Or especially the fact that I'm bi. She already said she'd kick my ass if she found out I liked a girl. And she was serious.

Ugh, my family has a certain way of viewing people. A way of viewing me, and the online me is nothing they know. I'm truly myself. I'm so afraid that they'll think of me different... I know Eric won't, but the others I'm not so sure about.

I know he's not meaning anything by it, but Eric was bugging me about being a virgin, and laughing at the fact that I still am one. I don't mind being a virgin, and believe there's more to life than sex, and couldn't care less if I have it or not. But apparently there's something wrong if you're a teenager who doesn't have sex, or something like that... Besides, who would want to have sex with me? XD

I'm already worried enough about being bi. About knowing that I like girls alot more than guys. I can't help it, I just can't trust guys enough to trust them to any extent. Besides, I've always had more of both a physical and emotional attraction to women.

Something that's really been bugging me about that alot lately is the Bible. And how is just how wrong being homosexual is. How wrong it is for two people of the same sex to love eachother. And how anyone who does so will go to hell. I'm so scared of hell, and have been trying to live my life better to avoid going there... But will it all be for nothing if I happen to fall in love with a girl? I just don't think that's right... Being judged the ultimate judgement on who you love. Love can never be wrong. Simple as that, and I don't give a damn at what anyone says! It can't be helped.

Ugh, I think I'm gonna go for now before I scream or something... I just wanna go to bed and forget all about this until the morning. Or afternoon. ^_^;; Well, ja!

No quote!

Too Many Emotions To Deal With

Oi fucking vei, where to begin this time, ne? Lately I've been feeling so damn emotional... Then again, I think I've had a few to be emotional. I swear, in the past week I must have felt every emotion humanly possible.

Well, first off, I tried calling my dad like 2 weeks ago, and to my surprise, his phone was disconnected. His phone that was on in Lynn's name, I might add. So, I quickly put two and two together... They got in a fight, and she was being a bitch and shut it off. I figured that my dad wouldn't want to get back with her after that. Good riddance, he's better off without the bitch anyway.

Anyway, I was chatting with the boys over the course of the last weekend, and found out that my dad was going over to their house to hang out on Tuesday. So, it made me wonder if something happened and he had to get his phone shut off... Cause nobody can really be that stupid, can they?

Apparently my father is. I was just chatting with Matt and found out it was Lynn who got pissed and did it. So, I asked Matt if he could tell my dad to call me when he sees him. He said no. I asked Dustin. He also said no. What the fuck?! They can't do me one simple favour... One that could make me feel alot better! That can make me feel like I'm not being ignored or replaced. -_-

So, Matt and I continued talking about this whole situation, and I don't know what happened, but he got really cold with me. Telling me to shut up and stop being so damn emo... That I don't know him, and never will. Making me feel like the supposed years of, you know, trust, were nothing.

And I'm getting really sick of hearing how my dad is spending so much time with the boys, and doing so many things with them. Like going to the hockey game, for example. Something he promised me we would do while I was living with him. I was there for how many bloody months, and he didn't take me. We did nothing together. Hell, we barely spoke without getting into some big fight, and him telling me what a fuck up I am. How I can't do anything right. How I'm not like everyone else. Fuck everyone else! I'm me, and the bastard could never seem to expect that.

It just feels like the boys are the kids my dad always wished he could have. Instead he got stuck with some anti-social trouble child, who just can't do anything right. Especially school. I can't help it, but I guess I'm feeling kind of jealous about that. I've known my dad on and off for my whole life. He's known them for three years. I just don't get it...

And dealing with the bullshit of school is only making me more stressed about this whole matter. Seriously, I've heard from Mr. Pleasant how I can't do anything right, or up to his standards, all fucking week! He's even kept me after class just to tell me that. But yet, when I ask the bastard for help, he never does. And I personally don't think my work is a first grade level! He's even told me I have some of the best work. -_-

Now I have to present my Portfolio tomorrow, and when I asked about the "Growth" section he simply told me to "Go ask guidance why we have to learn this." Ugh! That wasn't my bloody question! Plus, I'm supposed to get some of those plastic thingies to hold papers in to put in a binder, and we can't afford them! Now, I'm gonna lose marks, and get to hear more of how I fucked up cause of something I can't control.

Plus I have to submit my extra scene for the Melville Boys for english tomorrow. Which has to be printed or she won't accept it. And of course, fate has a sense of humour, and my printer is being messed up. I don't even have a fucking disk to put it on to print at school, and I don't have enough time at lunch to re-type it. I guess I'll just take a late and get dedcuted 10% a day.

Also, I have to act out Bradon's script in class tomorrow with a few others. I hate doing anything infront of the class. Especially when I have the most mushy and emotional lines in the whole damn scene! Plus I have to play two people; Mary and Patty. On the plus side, I do get to slap Brandon and call him a "son of a bitch!"

Oooh, on a lighter, and more amusing note, Tim Deegan came to my school today! He's in the top four right now in the Much Music VJ Search. It turns out that we grew up here in Oshawa, and went to my high school. He brought a band with him too. I'm not sure who they were, but they were awesome.

Wow... The auditorium was totally crazy. Fangirls swarming around the stage, wanting to get his autograph. Hehe, I just waited back until the crowd started disappearing, and then went and got his autograph... And the lead singers. ^^

Well, I've been babbling for a while now, and wanna try to fix my printer again before I head to bed. Plus, I wanna go bug Sarah, since she's finally online! Ja!

Quote of the Moment: "Fabulous!" -- Sean Gehon, another finalist in the VJ Search... The one I'm rooting for! ^___^