Damn...
Dammit, I already wrote a very large part of this, but the internet closed before I could post it. Since I don't feel like re-writing it, I will just continue what I was writing about...
Well, I've currently been having a strange obsession with the song 'You'll Be In My Heart', and I'm not really sure why. Even though I do have a pretty good guess, which is probably right, but I prefer to keep it to myself, for now anyways. Besides my reason, it is a really nice song, and a nice break from some of my other music. I can also still identify with 'Somewhere I Belong' and 'Just A Kid', well actually more now then ever...
*sighs* Damn, I've also developed a crush since the last time I've written, not by choice, mind you, but then again, crushes usually never are. Of all the people, I wish it wasn't him, 'cause I enjoy my 'friendship' with him, and I hate having any sort of non-platonic feelings for anyone I consider a 'friend'. I can't believe I like him this much though, and I know he doesn't like me back, besides I technically have a boyfriend, even though I don't talk to him often, and I'm pretty sure he's going out with someone as well. This truly sucks, I'm not use to having feelings of fondness, and I hate them, they've only lead to pain, and I have no desire to experience more.
Which is also the reason I'm more of a loner, I got sick of being betrayed, one can only take so much. It's kind of funny, in some weird way, in my younger years, I was pretty much excluded when I wanted to be included, and now, I'm am accepted, but I couldn't care less. People just seem to annoy me now, well, most of them.
*snickers* Somebody actually tried to blackmail me! Keyword there being: tried. It didn't work, of course, because the majority of people only know what I want them to know about me, so not much can be used against me, and also, you can't blackmail someone stronger than you! Baka...
Anyways, the blackmail, rather, attempted blackmail was because I showed the person a wound that I kind of gave myself with my katana. Nothing too bad though, even though every who knew about said I need stitches, fuck that, I can dress wound myself. If you can inflict them, you can take care of them! Back to the story, they say it and threatened to tell me 'mother', and that is the one person I do NOT want to know of such things. She said she would commit my into the hospital for 72 hours if she found out I hurt myself again, and as tempting as that sounds, I don't want to at the moment. Maybe I shouldn't have quit counceling...
Oh well, I'm a masochist, and proud of it! People think just because I cut means I'm suicidal, but that's not true. I do it to release some of my anger/pain, rather than inflicting it on other people. I also have a serious bloodlust, but that's just a bonus, I would never cut myself for that reason alone. I have, and still am trying not to anymore, I did promise Sarah, and I don't want her to worry about me...
I'm still working on my Vegeta quiz series, just at a much slower pace. I have seriously lost my drive in writing it, and partially in just Vegeta fandom in general. I think it may be because I've been quite heavily depressed lately, well, atleast I hope that's why, 'cause I don't want to return to my days of hating Vegeta...even though they were quite fun.
My interest in Cell has also come back, I even started a quiz series dedicated to him, which should prove interesting to write. I'm not sure if there'll be any romance or not, 'cause that's just weird to write! Way worse than when I did my Vegeta lemon!
Shit, like I mentioned earlier, I am, and have been quite heavily depressed. Alot is due to stress, family, friends, shit like that, but there is another big thing. Someone said something that shouldn't have hurt me, but it did, really bad. It still hurts, just not as bad now, but it did make me feel worse. I really am starting to consider going back to my old councelor, but I don't really know what help it would do! Talking about feelings and shit is something I don't do, especially around people. I'm very surprised at myself for even writing this, but I guess sometimes you just gotta let things out, that's why I thank God I also have Sarah to talk to.
Anyways, I'm gonna go now, before I start saying more shit I don't wanna. I don't know why, but once I start writing anything personal I can't stop.
Well, tomorrow's Halloween, well rather today is, and I have no clue what I'm doing. I might go out with my step brothers, either that, or go chill alone at a graveyard... I like the second option better, but the thing is I don't know if I'll be able to get out of the house. Either way, I wanna get some sleep before it, so I'm leaving! Ciao!
Quote of the Moment: "Only visible to the other invisibles..." - Me, Amy.
Well, I've currently been having a strange obsession with the song 'You'll Be In My Heart', and I'm not really sure why. Even though I do have a pretty good guess, which is probably right, but I prefer to keep it to myself, for now anyways. Besides my reason, it is a really nice song, and a nice break from some of my other music. I can also still identify with 'Somewhere I Belong' and 'Just A Kid', well actually more now then ever...
*sighs* Damn, I've also developed a crush since the last time I've written, not by choice, mind you, but then again, crushes usually never are. Of all the people, I wish it wasn't him, 'cause I enjoy my 'friendship' with him, and I hate having any sort of non-platonic feelings for anyone I consider a 'friend'. I can't believe I like him this much though, and I know he doesn't like me back, besides I technically have a boyfriend, even though I don't talk to him often, and I'm pretty sure he's going out with someone as well. This truly sucks, I'm not use to having feelings of fondness, and I hate them, they've only lead to pain, and I have no desire to experience more.
Which is also the reason I'm more of a loner, I got sick of being betrayed, one can only take so much. It's kind of funny, in some weird way, in my younger years, I was pretty much excluded when I wanted to be included, and now, I'm am accepted, but I couldn't care less. People just seem to annoy me now, well, most of them.
*snickers* Somebody actually tried to blackmail me! Keyword there being: tried. It didn't work, of course, because the majority of people only know what I want them to know about me, so not much can be used against me, and also, you can't blackmail someone stronger than you! Baka...
Anyways, the blackmail, rather, attempted blackmail was because I showed the person a wound that I kind of gave myself with my katana. Nothing too bad though, even though every who knew about said I need stitches, fuck that, I can dress wound myself. If you can inflict them, you can take care of them! Back to the story, they say it and threatened to tell me 'mother', and that is the one person I do NOT want to know of such things. She said she would commit my into the hospital for 72 hours if she found out I hurt myself again, and as tempting as that sounds, I don't want to at the moment. Maybe I shouldn't have quit counceling...
Oh well, I'm a masochist, and proud of it! People think just because I cut means I'm suicidal, but that's not true. I do it to release some of my anger/pain, rather than inflicting it on other people. I also have a serious bloodlust, but that's just a bonus, I would never cut myself for that reason alone. I have, and still am trying not to anymore, I did promise Sarah, and I don't want her to worry about me...
I'm still working on my Vegeta quiz series, just at a much slower pace. I have seriously lost my drive in writing it, and partially in just Vegeta fandom in general. I think it may be because I've been quite heavily depressed lately, well, atleast I hope that's why, 'cause I don't want to return to my days of hating Vegeta...even though they were quite fun.
My interest in Cell has also come back, I even started a quiz series dedicated to him, which should prove interesting to write. I'm not sure if there'll be any romance or not, 'cause that's just weird to write! Way worse than when I did my Vegeta lemon!
Shit, like I mentioned earlier, I am, and have been quite heavily depressed. Alot is due to stress, family, friends, shit like that, but there is another big thing. Someone said something that shouldn't have hurt me, but it did, really bad. It still hurts, just not as bad now, but it did make me feel worse. I really am starting to consider going back to my old councelor, but I don't really know what help it would do! Talking about feelings and shit is something I don't do, especially around people. I'm very surprised at myself for even writing this, but I guess sometimes you just gotta let things out, that's why I thank God I also have Sarah to talk to.
Anyways, I'm gonna go now, before I start saying more shit I don't wanna. I don't know why, but once I start writing anything personal I can't stop.
Well, tomorrow's Halloween, well rather today is, and I have no clue what I'm doing. I might go out with my step brothers, either that, or go chill alone at a graveyard... I like the second option better, but the thing is I don't know if I'll be able to get out of the house. Either way, I wanna get some sleep before it, so I'm leaving! Ciao!
Quote of the Moment: "Only visible to the other invisibles..." - Me, Amy.
posted by Amy B. at 1:33 AM
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